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BlackRock’s Sustainable Energy ETF Quietly Rebranded ‘Real American Energy ETF,’ Top Holding Remains Microsoft

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NEW YORK, NY — BlackRock announced Wednesday that its $4.2 billion U.S. Sustainable Energy ETF will be rebranded effective immediately as the BlackRock Real American Energy ETF, a change the firm described in regulatory filings as “a refresh” and which involved no movement whatsoever in the fund’s actual holdings, the top of which remains, as it has for six years, Microsoft.

The reshuffle, timed to the week before Earth Day, follows similar moves by Vanguard and State Street, who have collectively scrubbed the words “sustainable,” “climate,” “ESG,” “responsible,” and in one case “future” from 84 fund names since January, replacing them with combinations of “American,” “Strategic,” “Liberty,” and “Core.”

“We listened to our clients, and our clients told us they wanted the same exposure to large-cap technology stocks, just under a name that wouldn’t get them yelled at on a podcast,” said Brennan Whitlock, BlackRock’s newly created Head of Portfolio Nomenclature, a position that did not exist on March 1. “Nothing about the fund has changed except the part of the fund people read.”

Internal documents reviewed by industry analysts indicate that the fund’s second-largest holding, Apple, has been reclassified from “low-emissions enabler” to “American manufacturing partner,” despite assembling roughly nothing in America. Nvidia, the third holding, has been moved out of “clean computing” and into a new internal category called “energy-adjacent,” a designation a BlackRock spokeswoman defined as “uses energy, broadly speaking.”

The fund’s actual energy holdings, at 3.1%, were not adjusted, though the prospectus now refers to them as “the heart of the portfolio.”

A spokesperson for the Sierra Club called the rebrand “shameful” and “a textbook greenwashing reversal,” before being asked whether the Sierra Club’s own pension fund was, by any chance, invested in the ETF. The spokesperson declined further comment, citing a meeting.

Under SEC guidance issued last month, funds may no longer use the word “green” unless at least 12% of holdings are demonstrably green, a threshold the BlackRock fund cleared in 2023 only after counting John Deere as agriculture and Costco as “bulk efficiency.”

Reached by phone, one retail investor in Tampa said he had purchased the fund in 2021 specifically because it was sustainable, and would now be selling it because it was no longer sustainable, and would likely be buying it back in six weeks under whichever name it had at that point.

At press time, Whitlock confirmed the firm was already drafting its 2026 product, the BlackRock Liberty Patriot Eagle Energy Fund, which he described as “essentially the S&P 500, but with a flag.”

Bond Vigilantes, Dormant Since 1994, Reactivated Tuesday Like a Cold War Sleeper Cell

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NEW YORK — A loose network of fixed-income traders who had been quietly running gardening businesses, coaching youth lacrosse, and finishing partially built decks since the Clinton administration was abruptly reactivated Tuesday afternoon, emerging from suburban basements across Greenwich and Short Hills to ask, with some confusion, whether their old Bloomberg logins still worked.

The signal, according to multiple sources, was a 60-basis-point move in the 10-year Treasury yield over two trading sessions, which the so-called bond vigilantes had been instructed to wait for in a 1994 farewell memo most of them had taped to the inside of a filing cabinet. Within hours, men in suspenders that no longer entirely fit were photographed walking purposefully into Manhattan office buildings where they no longer had badges.

“We were told there would be a moment,” said Mortimer Vance, 71, a Senior Fixed Income Strategist who had spent the last nineteen years restoring a single 1967 Mustang. “The moment came Tuesday around two-fifteen. I put the wrench down. My wife asked where I was going. I said, ‘The yield curve needs me.’ She did not seem surprised.”

Sources close to the reactivation say the returning vigilantes have struggled with certain modern conventions, including the absence of physical ticker tape, the existence of Slack, and the fact that one cannot simply walk into the Eccles Building and hand a sell order to a man named Bill. One vigilante reportedly attempted to short the long bond by yelling at a Charles Schwab kiosk in a Westchester train station for eleven minutes.

Treasury officials, reached for comment, said they were “absolutely thrilled to have the old gang back in the saddle” while several aides were observed in the background quietly Googling “what is a bond vigilante” and “can you fire a bond vigilante.” A junior staffer was overheard asking whether the vigilantes were a federal agency, a hedge fund, or “like, a band.”

The White House responded to the bond market disturbance Wednesday by abruptly pausing most reciprocal tariffs for 90 days, at which point the reactivated vigilantes reportedly placed their phones face-down on their desks, nodded to one another, and began drifting back toward the parking garage. By 4 p.m., several were back in their basements. One was already at Home Depot buying a pressure washer.

Asked what he planned to do with the rest of his afternoon, Vance shrugged and said his wife had been hoping he’d finally stain the deck before Easter, and that the bond market, in his professional opinion, could probably handle itself for another thirty years.

I Felt the Exact Moment the AI Switched to Coal and My Sourdough Starter Has Not Been the Same Since

It was 4:14 on Tuesday afternoon and I was elbow-deep in a discard loaf when Bessie went flat. Not slow-flat. Not she’s-tired-from-the-weekend flat. Flat the way a balloon goes flat when a toddler sits on it — sudden, personal, and a little accusatory. I have been feeding this starter since Ember was in the Moby wrap. Bessie does not just give up on a Tuesday.

I washed my hands, opened my phone, and there it was at the top of the news app I do not trust but check anyway: the President had signed an executive order directing federal AI data centers to run on coal. Coal. The black rock from the sad mountain documentaries. I stood there in my apron and I said out loud, to no one, “Bessie knew.”

I want to be careful here because I am not a scientist. I am a mother of four with a working knowledge of fermentation and what my grandmother called “the listening.” But I will tell you what I know. Every appliance in my kitchen runs on the same grid as whatever server farm is currently writing a fifth-grader’s book report in Virginia, and when you change the fuel feeding that grid, the whole frequency of the house shifts. My friend Cassidy felt it in her knees before I felt it in my dough. Her knees are usually three to four hours ahead of the news cycle.

I posted about Bessie in a Facebook group called Frequencies, Fermentation, and the Quiet Grid (it is invite-only, but if you message me I can probably get you in) and within forty minutes there were eighty-three comments from women whose kombucha had gone listless on the same afternoon. One woman in Tulsa said her kefir grains had separated into what she described as “two distinct political parties.” I am not making this up. I would not make this up.

My sister-in-law Marlee, who works the front desk at a pediatric ENT office and has been studying for her phlebotomy certificate for going on six years, called me that night and confirmed what I already suspected. “Coal AI and solar AI do not have the same energetic signature, Brooke,” she said, while her toddler screamed about a sticker in the background. “Solar AI is a spring. Coal AI is a basement.” She said when she ran the office’s scheduling software that morning it suggested a 7 a.m. appointment for a four-month-old, which she said was “the kind of thing only a tired machine does.”

I will admit I tested it. I went to ChatGPT and asked it the same banana bread question I asked it in February — three overripe bananas, no refined sugar, what would it do — and the answer that came back was clipped. Shorter. It used the word “utilize” twice. In February it had called me “friend.” On Tuesday it called me nothing. My husband Garrett says I am projecting and that the chatbot does not know what state the grid is in, and I told him that is exactly what a man married to a woman with intuition would say.

The kids notice too, by the way. Linnea said her math tutor app was “being mean” in a way she could not articulate, which is how a nine-year-old describes a vibe shift. Beckett, who is six and largely nonverbal about feelings, walked past the smart speaker in the hallway and said, “It smells like Papaw’s truck.” Papaw’s truck ran on diesel and grief. He has not been in that truck since 2019. Children know.

So here is what we are doing in our house until further notice. The Alexa is unplugged and wrapped in a clean dish towel. I am only using AI through the laptop, and only after sundown, when Garrett’s cousin who works in solar in Charlotte says the Carolinas grid is on its “cleaner shift.” I am rebuilding Bessie from a backup discard I keep frozen in a labeled jar for exactly this kind of national emergency. I have ordered an EMF meter from a woman on Telegram who used to be a dental hygienist and now lives off-grid in Sevier County, and when it gets here I will report back.

In the meantime, if your starter is sluggish this week, I do not need you to believe me. I just need you to consider that Bessie has been right about a lot of things, and the President has, historically, been right about fewer.

Retiree Who Hadn’t Checked 401(k) Since Christmas Logs In Monday, Has Old Job Back by Noon

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NAPERVILLE, IL — Gary Voss, a 67-year-old retired logistics manager who had not opened his Fidelity account since wishing his grandchildren a Merry Christmas over Zoom, sat down at his kitchen table Monday morning, entered his password on the third try, looked at the screen for approximately eleven seconds, and then dialed the direct line of the man who replaced him at Midwest Pallet & Crate.

Voss, who retired in October on what his financial planner had described as ‘a very comfortable glide path,’ was reportedly informed by his Target Retirement 2025 Fund that the glide path now ended in a ravine. According to family members, he did not say anything for a full minute, then asked his wife where his old steel-toed boots were, then asked if she remembered the password to LinkedIn.

‘A lot of recent retirees are entering what we call the re-entry phase,’ said Marcy Linden, a certified financial planner with Greatwater Advisory Group in Schaumburg. ‘They open the app, they see the number, they close the app, they open the app again to make sure the number is still the number, and then they call somebody named Doug.’

By 11:47 a.m. Central, Voss had reportedly accepted a part-time consulting role at his former employer at roughly 60% of his old salary, agreed to drive to a warehouse in Bolingbrook on Wednesday, and asked Doug whether the company still did the Friday lunch order from Portillo’s. He was informed that they did, but that the company now only covered the sandwich.

Linden noted that Voss’s situation is increasingly common across the Midwest, where target-date funds designed to gradually reduce risk as retirement approaches have been credited with successfully reducing the risk that anyone retires at all. She added that her firm had spent the morning fielding calls from clients who wanted to know whether their portfolios were ‘diversified enough,’ a question she described as ‘extremely retrospective.’

Voss’s wife, Janet, told reporters her husband seemed ‘energized’ by the prospect of returning to work, though she noted he had also spent twenty minutes in the garage staring at a snowblower without moving. She said she planned to cancel their May trip to Branson, the cabin deposit on Lake Geneva, and a standing 9 a.m. tee time he had been looking forward to since 1998.

Reached for comment, Voss declined to discuss his portfolio specifically but did say that the phrase ‘sequence of returns risk,’ which his advisor had explained to him in 2023 using a laminated chart, had finally clicked. He added that he was looking forward to once again having somewhere to be, and to once again not knowing what the S&P 500 was doing on any given Monday.

At press time, Voss was attempting to remember which drawer contained his reading glasses, his old badge, and the will to begin again.

Private Equity Firm That Bought Stake in MLB Team Holds First Internal Review, Has Several Questions About Why the Bullpen Exists

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GREENWICH, CT — Sentinel Ridge Capital Partners, the private equity firm that closed on a $390 million minority stake in an unnamed National League franchise last week, convened its first internal review of the asset Saturday and emerged with what one partner described as “several immediate questions about why this organization is paying twenty-six grown men to stand in a field.”

The firm, which manages roughly $14 billion across consumer products, regional logistics, and now apparently shortstops, opened the meeting with a deck titled “Path to EBITDA: Year One.” Slide three reportedly identified “the entire bullpen” as a cost center with “unclear ROI and significant chewing-related overhead.”

“What we’re seeing is an organization with material labor redundancy,” said Sentinel managing partner Drew Halverson, MBA, who has never attended a baseball game but has read extensively about the movie Moneyball. “There are nine players on the field at any given time. We are paying for forty. I would like someone to walk me through the gap.”

By Sunday morning, the firm had circulated a follow-up memo proposing that the designated hitter role be eliminated as duplicative, that pinch runners be retained on a 1099 basis with no benefits, and that the third-base coach’s primary function — described in internal documents as “waving arms in apparent code” — be automated by Q3 using a system Halverson referred to as “basically a traffic light.”

The team’s actual baseball operations staff, reached for comment, said they had spent most of the morning explaining to a 28-year-old associate that you cannot, in fact, trade a starting pitcher for “two interns and a bag of cash to be named later,” that the strike zone is not “open to renegotiation,” and that no, the seventh inning cannot be cut for time.

Halverson confirmed the firm remains “very excited” about the investment and is already exploring a sale-leaseback on the stadium, a refinancing of payroll obligations through a Cayman Islands SPV, and a rebrand of the seventh-inning stretch as “presented by Sentinel Ridge, where capital meets community.” The team’s mascot, an associate clarified, is being evaluated separately and may be “rightsized into a part-time engagement model.”

Sentinel’s investment committee has reportedly flagged one further concern about the asset, which is that the team is, by every available metric, not very good. A note attached to the deck suggests this is “a known issue” but should not affect the valuation, since “performance and price have been functionally decoupled in this asset class for approximately thirty years.”

The firm’s exit strategy, per the deck’s final slide, is to hold the asset for five to seven years and then sell it to a slightly less informed private equity firm.

Manhattan Wealth Advisor Informs Clients That April 15 Is Now ‘More of a Vibe,’ Like a Yield Sign in East Hampton

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MANHATTAN, NY — Greeting a packed conference room of clients who collectively earned $1.4 billion last year and reported considerably less, Park Avenue wealth advisor Nolan Frost opened his annual tax season briefing Friday by clicking to a single slide that read ‘April 15: Take It Or Leave It,’ before assuring the room that the deadline is now ‘more of a vibe, honestly, like a yield sign in East Hampton.’

Frost, a managing partner at Frost Halloran Wealth, told attendees that with the IRS down roughly a third of its enforcement staff and the agency’s audit division reportedly operating out of ‘whoever’s still answering the phone in Ogden,’ clients should consider this filing season ‘a kind of gentleman’s agreement we are no longer obligated to honor.’

‘Look, I’m not telling you not to file,’ Frost said, sipping a green juice that cost more than the median American refund. ‘I’m telling you the building is empty. You can walk in. You can walk out. Nobody’s at the desk. Whether you leave a tip is between you and your conscience, and I’ve met your consciences.’

The mood in the room was reportedly euphoric. One private equity partner described filing an honest return this year as ‘a kind of performance art piece,’ while another client, a crypto fund manager who has not filed since 2019, asked whether he was legally required to keep pretending the previous six years had happened. Frost told him to ‘just start fresh, like a Peloton.’

The presentation escalated when Frost unveiled what he called the ‘Three Tiers of 2025 Compliance’: Tier One, file accurately; Tier Two, file something; and Tier Three, described on the slide only as a smiling face emoji. He noted that 84% of his clients were already operating at Tier Two and that the firm’s projections for Tier Three adoption were ‘extremely encouraging, assuming current staffing trends at Treasury hold.’

Not all attendees were comfortable. Junior associate Marcus Kim, the firm’s most recent CPA hire, raised his hand to ask whether the strategy carried any long-term legal exposure and was met with what witnesses described as ‘the kind of silence usually reserved for someone bringing up climate change at a yacht christening.’ Frost reportedly thanked Kim for his question, asked the room to give him a round of applause for his ‘rookie energy,’ and then moved on.

Reached for comment, an IRS spokesperson confirmed the agency is ‘absolutely still processing returns’ before a long pause during which a second voice could be heard asking whether anyone had the password to the mainframe. The spokesperson then said she had to take another call and hung up.

Frost concluded the briefing by reminding clients that the firm’s new motto, embroidered on complimentary fleece vests handed out at the door, reads simply: ‘You First.’

South Korea Removed a President This Morning. We Can’t Even Remove a Library Book.

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What does it look like when a constitutional democracy actually behaves like one? I ask because we no longer seem to know, and the answer arrived this morning from Seoul, where eight justices unanimously decided that declaring martial law against your own legislature is, in fact, the kind of thing a country is supposed to do something about.

The ruling took twenty-two minutes to read aloud. The decision was unanimous. The president walked out of the Blue House. I am told this is what people used to mean by ‘the rule of law,’ a phrase we still use here, mostly on commemorative coins and at the openings of judicial conferences where the shrimp is good.

I was at dinner last night with my friend Eliza — she runs a small foreign policy shop that I will describe only as the kind of place that has a Korea desk — and a lobbyist whose firm I will describe only as bipartisan, by which I mean he has never lost an election, because he has never been in one. The subject of Seoul came up between the salad and the lamb. The lobbyist said, with real feeling, that South Korea was ‘a remarkable, mature democracy.’ Then he asked someone to pass the bread. Nobody followed up. Nobody ever does.

This is the part of the column where I am supposed to say something balanced about how every system has its flaws and ours has been through worse. I will not be doing that. South Korea’s president sent soldiers into the National Assembly in December. Within hours, lawmakers climbed walls to vote him down. Within weeks, he was impeached. Within months, a court removed him. Total elapsed time from constitutional crisis to constitutional remedy: one hundred and twenty-two days. We are still litigating whether a sitting president can be charged for things he openly bragged about on a stage in Iowa.

My sister-in-law Judy, who has worked at the National Archives long enough to remember when documents were considered sacred and not, as she puts it now, ‘suggestions,’ called me this afternoon to ask whether I had seen the footage from Seoul. I had. The thing she wanted to talk about was the silence in the courtroom when the ruling came down. Not cheering. Not chanting. A nation watching a procedure complete itself. ‘I had forgotten what that sounded like,’ she said. So had I.

Here in Washington, we have spent the better part of three months congratulating ourselves on our resilience, by which we mean our ability to absorb. Cabinet officials have been confirmed who promised, in writing, to dismantle the agencies they now run. A federal workforce is being cut by people who could not pass its background checks. Lawyers at the Justice Department are being asked to defend things their predecessors would have prosecuted. And the response, in the rooms where I eat dinner, has settled into a tone I can only describe as appreciative bewilderment, the way you might admire a particularly aggressive weather system.

The South Koreans, to be clear, did not enjoy any of this. Their politics is a mess. Their president had an approval rating in the teens. Their opposition is, by all accounts, also exhausting. None of that turned out to matter. What mattered was that when the moment came, the institutions did the boring, unglamorous, procedural thing they were built to do. A legislature voted. A court ruled. A man left a building. The country is now planning an election, which is, I am told, what countries do.

I keep thinking about the lobbyist, reaching for the bread. I keep thinking about how comfortable we have all become with the idea that accountability is something other countries are better at, the way we say the trains are better in Japan, or the cheese is better in France. As if it is a regional specialty. As if a constitutional remedy is a kind of artisanal product we have simply chosen, as a culture, to no longer manufacture.

So I will ask the question the lobbyist did not want asked, and that Eliza, to her credit, was at least willing to look at her plate about. If a court in Seoul can remove a president for one night of overreach, what does it say about us that we cannot remove a library book without three lawyers, a town hall, and a podcast tour? We used to call that civic life. Now we call it civic cowardice, and we serve it with the lamb.

The country is going somewhere. We are not steering.

Laid-Off IRS Auditors Find New Jobs Within 48 Hours Helping Hedge Funds Evade Whatever’s Left of the IRS

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WASHINGTON — Roughly 7,000 IRS auditors who learned of their termination via a 6:14 a.m. email Tuesday had, by Thursday afternoon, accepted six-figure consulting roles at the exact hedge funds and family offices they had spent the previous decade auditing, in what tax professionals are calling ‘the most efficient labor market in American history, possibly ever.’

The terminations, part of an ongoing federal workforce reduction, were announced as a cost-saving measure projected to save taxpayers approximately $880 million over ten years. Within the first 36 hours, those same auditors were rehired at an aggregate compensation believed to exceed $2.1 billion, a figure that several economists noted was ‘mathematically impressive given the direction the money was supposed to be moving.’

‘We posted the listings before HR finished printing the layoff notices,’ said Trent Vaccaro, head of compliance at Greenwich-based Kestrel Brand Capital, which onboarded eleven former IRS Large Business and International Division auditors before noon Wednesday. ‘These people know exactly which questions get asked, in what order, by which software, with what triggers. That’s not a skill set. That’s a treasure map.’

One former auditor, who spoke on condition that her new title be listed as ‘Senior Director of Strategic Disclosure Architecture,’ said the transition had been seamless. ‘On Monday I was flagging a $40 million carried-interest discrepancy. On Wednesday I was on a Zoom explaining to four men named Brad how the flag works, what suppresses it, and why their previous accountant was, and I quote them here, a coward.’

The hiring spree has been so aggressive that several Manhattan and Greenwich firms ran out of available offices and have begun seating new hires at folding tables in conference rooms named after national parks. Citadel was reportedly forced to convert a meditation room. One Stamford office is interviewing candidates in the lobby of a neighboring Sweetgreen, which the firm now considers a satellite location for tax purposes.

Treasury officials defended the cuts, noting that the remaining IRS staff — now consisting of approximately 400 auditors, a chatbot, and a man named Gary who answers the phone in Ogden — would continue to enforce tax law ‘on a priority basis,’ which a department spokesman clarified meant ‘mostly W-2 employees who incorrectly claimed a home office deduction in 2022.’

Asked whether the math actually worked out for the federal government, the spokesman paused for what observers described as ‘a long time’ before responding that the administration was confident the policy would ‘pay for itself through dynamic effects,’ a phrase he then declined to define. He was last seen consulting a binder labeled TALKING POINTS — TAX SEASON.

Several former auditors said they harbored no hard feelings about being terminated mid-filing-season, citing the signing bonuses, equity grants, and the simple professional satisfaction of finally being on the side that wins. ‘I spent twenty-two years asking rich people to please show me their books,’ said one, now employed as Chief Tax Strategy Officer at a firm she could not name. ‘Today a man handed me a glass of something and said, quote, make this go away. I cried a little. In a good way.’

The IRS confirmed it would still be accepting individual returns by the April 15 deadline, and reminded filers that penalties for late submission remain in effect, particularly for those earning under $100,000, who a department source described, off the record, as ‘the only people we can still afford to audit.’

Heard Island Penguins Slapped With 10% Tariff, Treasury Official Says ‘They Know What They Did’

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move administration officials described as long overdue, the Treasury Department on Wednesday confirmed that the new 10% baseline tariff on all imports will apply in full to Heard Island and McDonald Islands, an uninhabited Australian territory in the sub-Antarctic whose primary economic activity consists of approximately 200,000 macaroni penguins standing on rocks.

The territory, which has not had a human resident since the 1950s and whose last verified export was a single weather buoy in 1992, was flagged by U.S. Trade Representative analysts as running what one internal memo called an ‘unsustainable and frankly insulting’ surplus with the United States.

‘Look, the math doesn’t lie,’ said Bret Holloway, deputy assistant for trade modeling at the USTR. ‘We import about $1.4 million in toothfish from their waters. They import zero American goods. That’s a 100% imbalance. The penguins have had it too good for too long, and Wednesday is the day the free ride ends.’

The tariff schedule released that morning also included Norfolk Island (population 2,188, mostly chickens), the British Indian Ocean Territory (population: U.S. military personnel who already work there), and the Svalbard archipelago, prompting Norwegian officials to clarify in a brief statement that the polar bears are not, to their knowledge, engaged in unfair trade practices.

Reached for comment, Australian trade minister Don Farrell sounded mostly tired. ‘It’s a two-week boat journey from Perth. Nobody has been there since 2016. They’re penguins. They eat krill and stand around. I genuinely do not understand what we are doing here, and I have asked four people now.’

Administration officials defended the inclusion, with one senior advisor explaining that exempting territories based on ‘whether anyone technically lives there’ would create a loophole ‘big enough to drive an entire fish through.’ The same official confirmed that Pitcairn Island (population 35, all named Christian) had been hit with the full 10%, and that the Vatican remains under review pending clarification of its rosary exports.

Pressed on whether the formula used to calculate the tariff — trade deficit divided by total imports, divided again by two — had been peer reviewed, Holloway said the methodology had been ‘stress tested by several of the smartest people in the building’ and was, in his view, ‘directionally close to right.’

As of press time, the macaroni penguins of Heard Island had not responded to requests for comment, though one was reportedly observed sliding down a glacier in what trade officials cautiously characterized as a provocation.

Crypto Billionaire Funds First Crewed Polar Orbit, Will Personally Verify That the Ice Caps Are, On the Whole, Still Melting

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CAPE CANAVERAL, FL — A Falcon 9 rocket lifted off Monday night carrying four private citizens into the first crewed orbit ever to pass directly over Earth’s poles, a historic feat that will allow Maltese-Chinese cryptocurrency entrepreneur Chun Wang and three companions to personally observe that the polar ice caps are, broadly speaking, still on the way out.

The Fram2 mission, named for the Norwegian polar research vessel that crossed the Arctic in the 1890s, will spend up to five days in a 425-mile orbit angled 90 degrees from the equator, granting its crew an unobstructed view of glaciers that climate scientists have been trying to get anyone with money to look at for roughly forty years.

“This is a tremendous opportunity for citizen science,” said Dr. Adriana Boell, a SpaceX-affiliated mission analyst, gesturing at a screen showing the projected ground track. “The crew will conduct 22 onboard experiments, including the first X-ray taken in space and a study on how human bone density changes in microgravity, neither of which will affect the ice.”

Wang, who funded the mission for an undisclosed amount widely estimated to fall somewhere between “a yacht” and “the GDP of Tonga,” told reporters before launch that he hoped Fram2 would inspire a new generation of explorers. He did not clarify whether he meant a generation that explores the poles or one that explores ways to leave the planet entirely.

Onboard cameras will livestream the polar passes to social media, where viewers can watch real-time 4K footage of an ecosystem in collapse rendered against the comforting black of space. The crew is expected to wave.

Climate researchers reached for comment expressed measured enthusiasm. “It is wonderful that four people will see the Arctic from above,” said Dr. Marten Kjellberg of the Stockholm Environmental Institute. “We have been seeing it from above for several decades, via satellite, for free. But sure.”

Mission commentary noted that the crew will also become the first humans to witness the aurora australis from low Earth orbit, an experience Wang described in a pre-flight statement as “a reminder that our planet is fragile and irreplaceable,” delivered from atop nine engines burning roughly 905 tons of kerosene.

SpaceX confirmed the capsule will splash down off the California coast on Saturday, at which point the crew will return to a planet that is, on average, marginally warmer than when they left.