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Finance

A colony of macaroni penguins standing on a rocky sub-Antarctic shoreline
Finance

Heard Island Penguins Slapped With 10% Tariff, Treasury Official Says ‘They Know What They Did’

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A trader at a Bloomberg terminal refreshing a social media feed on a tablet inside a hedge fund office.
Finance

Stamford Hedge Fund Up 14% This Quarter After Pivoting Entire Strategy to Refreshing Truth Social Every 90 Seconds

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An automotive assembly line in a Detroit-area plant with workers and partially assembled vehicles
Finance

Detroit Executives Receive 30-Day Tariff Pause, Immediately Convene Emergency Meeting About What Happens on Day 31

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A cavernous government storage facility with industrial pallets labeled with cryptocurrency ticker symbols stacked alongside oil drums under industrial lighting.
Finance

US Strategic Crypto Reserve to Stockpile XRP, Solana, and Cardano Right Next to the Wheat, in Case of National Emergency

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A whiteboard diagram showing a pickup truck with arrows crossing a U.S.-Canada border line multiple times, in an auto industry conference room.
Finance

Detroit Automakers Gently Explain That a Single Pickup Truck Crosses the Canadian Border Eight Times Before It Becomes a Pickup Truck

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Rows of charred oak bourbon barrels stacked inside a Kentucky distillery warehouse.
Finance

Kentucky Bourbon Distillers Celebrate EU Tariff News for Roughly 90 Seconds, Until Someone Pulls Up a Map

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Workers in hard hats on the floor of a domestic steel mill, surrounded by coils of rolled steel
Finance

Domestic Steel Executives Celebrate 25% Tariff by Immediately Raising Their Own Prices 24%, Just to Be Polite

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An aging government computer terminal in a Treasury office with an energy drink can sitting next to the keyboard
Finance

Musk Granted Access to Treasury System That Moves $5 Trillion a Year, Immediately Changes Default Password to ‘doge420’

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A red downward arrow crashes through a server rack as hundred-dollar bills scatter in the air of a dim data center.
Finance

Nvidia Loses $600 Billion Overnight After Chinese Engineers Build Same Thing for the Price of a Used Civic

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Coins stacked up on stock trading graphs.
Finance

Billionaires Now Sharing Yachts and Picassos to Borrow More Money They Don’t Need

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