WASHINGTON, D.C. — What began as a diplomatic gesture of goodwill turned into a literary catastrophe when Harry Potter, under special invitation from Senator Bernie Sanders, inadvertently cast a spell that reshuffled the Library of Congress’s documents in an unprecedented magical accident.
The famed wizard and hero of the Battle of Hogwarts had been invited by Sanders to visit the Library of Congress as part of a cultural exchange celebrating international literary achievements. The event was attended by a select group of lawmakers, historians, and enchanted scholars eager to meet the boy who lived.
Witnesses say the mishap occurred while Potter was demonstrating the spell Scourgify to tidy up a dusty archive. Unfortunately, an untimely sneeze mid-incantation resulted in the unexpected casting of Shuffle-in-Place, a rare and unpredictable spell that causes text and information to transpose randomly between documents.
“One moment, we were admiring a pristine copy of the Emancipation Proclamation,” said librarian Clara Wilkes, who was present during the demonstration. “The next, it was interspersed with cake recipes and excerpts from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It’s absolute chaos.”
A New Kind of Library Disaster The scope of the mishap became apparent within minutes, as frantic librarians discovered that foundational documents of American history were now infused with fragments of unrelated works. The Declaration of Independence now contains sections of the Federal Tax Code, while an 18th-century maritime treaty is peppered with pages from Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat.
“We’re still trying to assess the full extent of the damage,” said Carla Hayden, the Librarian of Congress. “This could take years to sort out. Or, if we’re lucky, a magical undoing.”
International Fallout The incident has sent ripples through the international magical and muggle communities. The British Ministry of Magic issued a statement distancing themselves from Potter’s actions, describing the Shuffle-in-Place spell as “an advanced technique unsuitable for casual demonstration.” Meanwhile, Hogwarts Headmistress Minerva McGonagall has offered assistance, suggesting that the mishap underscores the importance of “proper wand hygiene.”
Bernie Sanders, however, remained unfazed. “Harry Potter represents the struggle of the underdog,” Sanders said in a press conference following the incident. “If accidentally redistributing historical texts doesn’t encapsulate the fight against inequality, I don’t know what does.”
Magical Solutions Underway To mitigate the disaster, a team of magical archivists from the United States and abroad has been assembled, including Hermione Granger, now head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Granger issued a statement expressing confidence that the spell could be reversed but cautioned that it would take time due to the volume of the Library’s holdings.
“We’re dealing with over 170 million items,” Granger said. “Undoing this will require precision, patience, and likely several kettles of tea.”
A Moment of Levity Despite the debacle, some are finding humor in the situation. “I’ll admit, seeing Green Eggs and Ham spliced into the Constitution’s preamble was a hoot,” said Capitol tour guide Martha Knowles. “It’s almost poetic when you think about it.”
At publishing time, Potter had issued an apology, explaining that the sneeze was the result of an allergic reaction to an old, enchanted quill on display. “I’ll be more careful next time,” Potter said in a statement. “And I’ll stick to Wingardium Leviosa demonstrations from now on.”